Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer

I love toys for the kitchen, and even when I come into ownership of a food processor, or a blender (don’t you love when your roommates possessions become your own? Their birthday presents are mine too…even if only for another lease term) my appetite is never satiated. I want the next item on my list.

Lately, I’ve been crushing hard on the idea of owning a dutch oven. Maybe I will be able to become an owner of one when I have the ability to not giggle when I say its name. Dutch oven.

Anywho, I’ve had my eye on Le Creuset dutch ovens for some time now. The shapes. The sizes. The colors. Drool. Oh, the sheer amount of Jim Lahey’s “no-knead bread” loaves I could bake brings a tear to my eye. Yet, the price of such candy colored cookware is a bit out of my price rage, and so I will have to wait for another birthday or Xmas present.

So, while I wait another six or seven months, I have now found a new apple of my eye: the crockpot, and this post I just read on Brokelyn.com only added more fuel to the fire.

Though I have self-declared myself as the queen of stretching food, this guy from Brooklyn is the king of the same practice, with the help of a crock-pot.

As also noted by the editor, “Please consult a medical professional before embarking on any diet plan, especially one involving skipping breakfast and spending more money on drinks than food.”

Bill, the king, documents his week in crockpottery and debauchery. In a week he spent a total of $12.30 for food, and $101 in drinks. While I think that ratio may not be too nutritious, the idea that you can live on a budget with a social life is a noble one, (and what my blog is all about!). He also lists a recipe for a chicken, mushroom, and pasta recipe that looks kickin’.

The King of stretching food...courtesy of Brokelyn.com

I’m at the computer all day. Then, I go home and more often than not, at some point of the evening, I find my fingers curling downward yet again, furiously typing away on the keyboard of my laptop.

I’m always typing.

I wish I could say that the sheer amount of hours that I’m on a computer has helped make me a more skilled and accurate typist, but I’m sad to report that though my speed has increased, I’m still quite typo-prone.

This isn’t a big deal nowadays, thanks to Spellcheck which runs on everything from Gchat, to my Blackberry, to even my WordPress postings. (There is even a redline underneath “Spellcheck” right now. How ironic. Also, I also had to re-type “nowadays” twice.)

Then I had a thought. Yes, just one.

Think about slang. Sometimes, words just exist out of convenience or habit, even if they aren’t proper English. Used again and again, as parasites that cling to the context of universally accepted words, we will ultimately find words like “staycation” inducted into the Webster’s Dictionary. Obvi.

But–when will this happen with typos? There are millions of words that I misspell on a daily basis, due to my poor skills of utilizing the Home Row keys.

As a writer, and the proud owner of a Bachelor’s degree of English Literature, I am in no way condoning that typos be elected into our language. But, I have found that some of my typos would make badass adjectives with tricked-out suffixes and prefixes.

Faced with the reality that every time I re-type my typo, my relationship with these “wordz” has only gotten deeper, I am now officially swearing in these words into my typing vocabulary:

“that” is now “taht”

“what” is not “waht”

“office” is now “offie”

“but it’s” is now “butt tit’s”

“today” is now “toady”

“Brian” is now “Brain”

“The” is now “Teh” (to be pronounced a la Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber when he’s trying to read the newspaper…T–Heh)

“me” instead of “my” (I’m now British!)

Official red line count: 3

Hmmm.

Spell check is apparently set to “incompetent” toady.