Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer

Friday was a great night. After Happy Father’s Day cocktails at Four Seasons, then dinner at Dos Caminos, my parents left to grab a train and my sis and I went to make our way up to the UES to meet Ria and her friend for drinks. They were still at dinner so the twin and I got a drink at P.J. Clarke’s then decided to waste more time in Dylan’s Candy Bar. With a little buzz going, we craved for something sweet, though I never need a buzz for something sweet. They were closing in 15 minutes, but we decided to be those obnoxious, lingering customers that won’t leave until you ask them to. Though I was disappointed that I couldn’t see the store in all it’s sugar-coated glory because of renovations, it was still serious eye-candy as the stairs and walls were covered in candy collages and neon lights.

As soon as we climbed our way up the flight of steps, we started to scan for treats, though I must admit, between the two of us, we are what we call, “Dessert Challenged.” I am lactose intolerant and can’t eat ice cream and other creamy treats, the twin is a diabetic and can’t have too much sugar. You are probably asking why we even bothered to step inside the store, but I ask, why the hell not? Maybe we are just sadists.

I immediately flag down a salesperson and ask where the sugar-free candy is. She is speechless for about 30 seconds, looking around the space with wide eyes. “Wow, honestly, we don’t usually get that request,” she said. She had to go ask a manager. They lead us to a teeny, tiny back corner and tell us to enjoy the treats. We look at each other and decide, we are going to take that as an open invitation to chow down. How can you bust the sugar challenged?? I quickly grab a sugar-free gummy worm and drop it into my mouth. Twin takes about five orange gummy things and loads two in her mouth. We start to act like five year olds, popping other gummies in our pockets and mouths before another salesgirl comes over to us asking if we need any help. Busted! Luckily, we were the only two sad sugar-free customers in the store, so they totally took pity on us and just left us alone.

Hmm. What would our names be if we were characters in Willy Wonka? Annie Aspartame and Sally Soy?

Here is what the interior looks like of the candy store:

Here was our color-blind corner:

Where’s the love, Dylan??