Last week I treated myself to a bag of Terra Chips, those fancy schmancy veggie chips made from sweet potato, parsnips, and a few odd colored root veggies the food company somehow made into a rather tasty snack. Imagine my disappointment when I opened up the 1 oz. snack size bag to find that it was all air. All air–read–the only chips were mushed up at the bottom into a salty potpourri.
(This is what I was expecting…)
We are all victims of what I refer to as “optical illusions,” when food companies make our portions look bigger with a few tricks of the trade. I know a lot of companies seal packages like bags of chips with a puff of air so they appear to have more product in the bag. I have come to accept this. Whatever. But when I shell out (as a treat mind you, because I never buy lunch out) almost $3 on a bag of chips, they better delight my senses. They better be like ambrosia of the gods.
But, I think I actually gasped when I opened the bag.
Now I’m not what you would call a super-active citizen. I vote and all, I try to keep up with local and national politics on CNN or the 11 o’clock news, but it then occurred to me that I should speak up against the Man. When it’s food related, to me, it’s a big issue. I urgently needed to email the Terra Chips complaints office. I didn’t even know if such things still existed, but I got really excited. I don’t even know if people still write to “Complaints Offices” and I had visions of myself hunched over a typewriter writing “Dear Sir or Madam” and tearing them a new one with my wit as I angrily punch the keys on a fancy letterhead. Then, I would march to the post office and have them stamp on it “URGENT” and send it right off. I would feel like I did my job as an American citizen, voicing my opinion and concerns about the quality of junk food in this country. I would also be living in a retirement home in Florida in this scenario.
Today when I got into work, I Googled “Terra Chips” and prepared to write a masterpiece complaint. Sadly, I have no typewriter (I may be the only 24-year-old I know that would love to have one), so I rely on my Mac. “If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to send us an email.” And so I did. I complained and whined my heart out, and I received an email back telling me that I will hear from them in the near future.
While I didn’t exaclty shake the earth with my complaint, I hope they will at least give me a free coupon or two, because, let’s face it, all I really want out of life are free goodies.
Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer 
[…] bag of chips that left what normally would have been a happy midtown lunch to utter despair (note: see past posting), I received this coupon for a FREE bag of chips, and three more offering 55 cents off a few more […]
[…] Still figuring out its age, I’m not quite sure if I feel like a Veronica Corningstone from Anchorman, due to my typewriter’s mustard hue, or if it dates a bit further back, but I’m sure after some more researching I will figure this out. It helps to feel in the moment with the machine, and so while my be donning a modern “lob” (a longer bob) I invision myself with my hair flipped, biting a pencil in between my teeth with horn-rimmed glasses as I punch out timely articles or thank you notes. This will also come greatly in handy for all my complaint letters that I’ve previously mentioned. […]