I am my own worst enemy.
I know I’m tired when I all of a sudden realize that my eyes are closed and my mouth is gaping open, while I’m sitting and facing my computer screen. Why am I so tired, you may ask? Such a simple question deserves a simple answer, and there is one—I didn’t go to sleep until 2am.
The next logical question would be to ask, what I was doing up until 2am, but then my answer gets hairy. I really have no idea. I wasn’t even watching television (though it was on in the background). I honestly just love that time of night. I attribute this behavior to my acute case of night owl syndrome that I have pretty much had since birth. I’ve never gone to bed early or at a reasonable hour.
I believe it’s a common thought that many little kids want to stay up because they think their parents have parties where party guests gorge themselves on cookies and cakes while wearing colorful feather boas and tiaras and stay up alllll night to run around and play tag or something. Not me. I just couldn’t sleep. Anytime my head hit the pillow, I had all these deep, serious thoughts about life and death and just could not drift off. It’s no wonder my nickname when I was little was Miss Serious.
Now that no one can tell me when to go to bed, I usually let my body tell me by staying up as late as I possibly can before my head just drops to my pillow, on my bed or on the sofa. I never plan for sleep. I just exhaust myself so that the sleep just captures me in one full swoop, til I wake up confused on the sofa at 7am with the tv and lights on, then tiptoe to my room for another half hour til I’m really supposed to get up. If I could, I would stay up all night because, sadly enough, I also love being an early riser.
I’m quite possibly the dumbest person alive. Who likes to be a night-owl AND an early riser? Yet, I feel incredibly independent during these hours and oddly enough, these prove to be my most creative hours. I find the darkness of night and the dewey air and pink skies of the early morning invigorating. If I had the choice, I would sleep during the typical, conventional, and non-alluring hours with direct sunlight from 9-5 pm, and stay up all night.
Think about it. When has anything remotely interesting happened during these hours? Yes, yes, anything business or finance or market related of course will happen during these hours, but what writer or artist has ever captured something thought-provoking or passionate or mysterious during 9-5? The best works of art or scenes in films or chapters in books happen in the middle of the night. Even photographers will tell you that direct light it the worst light to capture a subject in film. Of course, that is such an extreme and general claim and probably half-true, but you know what? I’m tired and I don’t care.
If I ever get to live out my dream, some may call me a hermit. Or a vampire. Or maybe they’ll think I just really hate other people.