Me Fail English? That’s Unpossible!

I’m at the computer all day. Then, I go home and more often than not, at some point of the evening, I find my fingers curling downward yet again, furiously typing away on the keyboard of my laptop.

I’m always typing.

I wish I could say that the sheer amount of hours that I’m on a computer has helped make me a more skilled and accurate typist, but I’m sad to report that though my speed has increased, I’m still quite typo-prone.

This isn’t a big deal nowadays, thanks to Spellcheck which runs on everything from Gchat, to my Blackberry, to even my WordPress postings. (There is even a redline underneath “Spellcheck” right now. How ironic. Also, I also had to re-type “nowadays” twice.)

Then I had a thought. Yes, just one.

Think about slang. Sometimes, words just exist out of convenience or habit, even if they aren’t proper English. Used again and again, as parasites that cling to the context of universally accepted words, we will ultimately find words like “staycation” inducted into the Webster’s Dictionary. Obvi.

But–when will this happen with typos? There are millions of words that I misspell on a daily basis, due to my poor skills of utilizing the Home Row keys.

As a writer, and the proud owner of a Bachelor’s degree of English Literature, I am in no way condoning that typos be elected into our language. But, I have found that some of my typos would make badass adjectives with tricked-out suffixes and prefixes.

Faced with the reality that every time I re-type my typo, my relationship with these “wordz” has only gotten deeper, I am now officially swearing in these words into my typing vocabulary:

“that” is now “taht”

“what” is not “waht”

“office” is now “offie”

“but it’s” is now “butt tit’s”

“today” is now “toady”

“Brian” is now “Brain”

“The” is now “Teh” (to be pronounced a la Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber when he’s trying to read the newspaper…T–Heh)

“me” instead of “my” (I’m now British!)

Official red line count: 3


Spell check is apparently set to “incompetent” toady.

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