Ed. note: August 29, 2011. What you are about to read is a very much a 2011 conflict of interest. Since first publishing my “About” post on April 22, 2008, my life has changed. This is quite obvious to point out, but I find myself in a bit of a predicament—how to further progress this blog as slightly different from the person who began writing it.
It’s like the Tale of Two Splenda Stealers. Maintaining a personal blog is actually quite an odd idea. While everything digital can be instantaneously updated and refreshed, that’s not necessarily how I want to run this blog. Just because I’m a little older and wiser (ok, at least older), doesn’t mean I want to write over and delete who I was when I began this blog. And by “delete”, I mean my original “About” page. For one, it informs the type of person who wrote the earlier posts, and for another, it still makes me laugh.
I do realize that this “conflict” may actually be only a conflict to myself, and that my readers (thank you all so much for following) don’t really care about this mid-life blogger crisis that I’ve experienced over the past few months, but instead, only about the fact that I keep writing.
So, as a truce to myself, instead of launching another blog (which I thought hard about doing) I have decided to stick to this one, since above all else–as I near my 28th birthday, and have switched careers, left NJ for NYC, and moved in with a guy I’m crazy about, I still steal Splenda wherever I go.
——————————————————
(From April 22, 2008)
I am a Splenda stealer.
I wasn’t always like this. I have values. I was brought up in an upper-middle class household. But right now, at 24 years of age, I am what you would refer to, or as what my parents refer to, as a “starving artist.” After killing myself in school studying English literature, I graduated almost two years ago (it’s now been four years) to find that no one in the publishing world gives a damn about my GPA or the fact that I slaved away all my Sundays in a tiny newspaper office where we fought over the last fortune cookie during writer’s block at 3am.
When I entered the publishing world, an interview read (and still reads) like this:
Me: And this was my college newspaper where I interviewed the kid that hung out with Howard Stern. Isn’t that amazing? Look—I have soooo many bylines! Look how many!!!
Editor: Cute. You will sell your soul to work here for $20,000 a year. Case closed.
If I sound bitter, I’m really not. (Maybe just a little.) I think entering this career has made me more of a realist, and my status in life has become sort of ironic. I moved out of my parent’s house to be an independent young woman, yet due to my measly salary, I can no longer leave the tri-state area. My mantra has become, that in a few years, I’ll laugh about the fact that I steal Splenda where ever I go, because I can’t fathom spending $8 on a box of 50 packets.
I love how my sense of logic has completely gone out the window as well. I can’t justify buying 5 apples for $7, yet I will charge $40 (or more) of booze in one happy hour turned into a happy night (on a good night).
Being poor sucks, but in a weird way, it’s sort of empowering. I know it won’t be like this forever. I don’t want to sound corny and say it builds character, but the ways that I and my friends in the same predicament get by are really comical. This blog will serve as a testament that people can survive in NYC (Hoboken for now…shocker, right?) for well under $30,000 a year.
My parents taught me that it’s not polite to talk about money. So I’ll blog about it instead.
I am proud to say that I am a Splenda stealer. Who’s with me??!!
Feel free to email me @ confessionsofasplendastealer@gmail.com.
Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer 
hey! really like your writing style, saw you on midtownlunch, I’m blogging across the pond allll the way from London.
keep this up, I’ll keep coming back 😀
My wife brings it home from the cafeteria where she eats, comes in kind of handy towards the end of the month. Notice how I said “my wife” brings it home, kind of lets me off the hook, smart move, eh?
I knew a guy on the railroad, every day he would order a hot cup of water, then take all the crackers on the table, mix them into the water, put some ketchup on it.
And that was lunch.
Later,
DS
You are hilarious, and what a wonderful writer. Funny girl.
Found your blog tracing a path back from my site. If you get a chance drop me a quick line. I may have a tip on a secret Splenda stash.
Splenda Stealer…classic. I admit I have done it as well, but I guess I didn’t realize it at the time?
I enjoy your site. Good on you and thanks.
My boss not only steals splenda from our employer, but also uses company time, a comapny vehicle, and company bought fuel to transport it back to his house during work hours. He’s probably the worst excuse for a human being I have ever known. Anytime you contact him, he always claims to be busy with this or that, but yet nobody can find where he is. However, now that the leaves are falling it will be much easier to find him, his house is clearly visible from interstate after the leaves fall off the trees.
I steal splenda from Royal Farms all the time.. Im like you, cant afford to spend 8 bucks on a 50 count of splenda.
Hi – it’s me, Hobokengal, you wrote to me on my blog recently. Loved your writing, especially your About Me section. I’m a stealer too – only I steal it from my parents who buy the huge box at Sam’s Club, so I feel justified. Seriously, why do they need 9,000 packets for just the 2 of them?
Girl, I hear you! I bitch to my husband for buying lunch in the city at $10 a pop, but spend $100 on a good night out with my friends that sometimes I barely remember (until the credit card bill comes or he finds the receipt falling out of my purse as I lay hungover in bed!).
Follow your calling, even if it pays sh*t. You’ll figure it out. We’re all still trying to. Some days are more fun than others trying to get there.
Stay in touch!
Thanks much Michelle!!