Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer

After a late night celebrating my friend’s 25th brithday last night (drinks on a rooftop!) I awoke slightly fuzzy with my jar of peanut butter next to my head which can only mean one thing–someone had a few too many cocktails for her own good.

As a Splenda stealer, the first thought that popped into my head was–great–way to waste pb that could have been used for a sandwich today–gotta think of rising grocery prices!–and then the next was–must go to gym later.

But it got me thinking about all the little annoying thoughts about my financial situation that fly in and out of my head all day. This morning for example, when I’m a bit “fuzzy,” my body craves for flavored beverages. I don’t do water. Water makes me nauseous.

After I bolt out of Port Authority to make my daily trek across 40th street, the little voices start going off in my head:

you need diet coke asap
you need coffee asap
where should you go for the coffee? the cheapest or better tasting?
you still have some coffee in the office, maybe you should just save the dollar fifty, or maybe that cinnamon coffee at Cafe Charlie’s would be perfect for right now
maybe buy vitamin water? do you want the calories? nah if you’re going
to spent $$ get coffee, maybe get both, no gotta save save save

I end up getting that cinnamon coffee which is sooooo good. I cringe at spending $1.50 for coffee, but prices in Midtown aren’t cheap! When I started my job a year ago, Cafe Metro charged $1.30 for a medium. Then three months in it went to $1.60. The other day I went in and now it’s $1.72!! Really?? Old Bridge Deli across the street is $1.50, used to be $1. And then the Dunkin’ Donuts next door is astronomical for a cup.

This little rant plays like clockwork every time I step off of the bus to go to work. Everyday.

The worst part of it all was that Cafe Charlie didn’t even have Splenda!! I had to take extra Sweet and Low. Ick ick ick. I stole six.

And the lady put a “Paid Thank You” sticker on my cup as an extra reminder of where my money goes.

This is another reason why I don’t like to keep cash on me. It goes too fast.

What did you dream of owning when you were a kid? Perhaps a pony?? A pool in the backyard?

These days I find myself dreaming about the oddest things, like a 401k, stock options, and worst of all–to have access to a conference room.

Sometimes I am under the impression that the publishing company I work for is a facade for a money laundering operation. I have no proof of this whatsoever, but the following strikes me as either strange or just plain cheap:

–my company does not provide us a 401K or stock options or any perks or plans whatsoever

–no coffee, tea, Splenda (where it all started) cups, forks, napkins….nothin’ but a water cooler

–no direct lines or personal voicemail

–when my staff asked to update the website that looks like its from the dawn of the web, they told us it was just too much of a “to-do”

and a lack of plenty of other crap that writers and editors should just be able to have. (Is it really that expensive to stock a couple packets of hot chocolate to keep us sane?? You gotta feed the monkeys chained to the typewriters!)

And–no conference room, which seems like a really odd thing to wish for, but as someone who pads her income with a few freelance gigs, it’s crucial.

Though it’s relatively easy to do freelance work at my desk because it appears that I’m just hard at work with what I’m supposed to be doing, there is conflict when I have to conduct interviews during business hours. I work in a teeny, tiny suite with six other people with no nooks or crannies to hide in. So when I have to conduct an interview where I have to ask questions like, “So was there a specific moment in your life when you knew you wanted to dedicate your life to fight social injustice?” it sort of stands out from the normal “And what exactly makes your decorative pillows so edgy?”

Needless to say, I had to find a spot for my “secret” interviews and found this:

And by “found,” I mean turned the corner down the hall. This is my second office.

People grunt at me because I get in the way of their smoke breaks. One of these days… I never thought that I would one day dream of having a conference room. But then again, I never thought I would become klepto for sucralose either.

Dating in NYC is tough. It’s even tougher when your friends point it out to you.

On gchat this morning:

L: i looked at match.com and all of them were located in NYC

im in the wrong place

Yet another way to pinch a few pennies.

People watching at Port Authority is pure gold. This girl knows how to get the most wear out of her wardrobe. She’s wearing the same party shorts and disco leggings she probably wears out clubbing to work today.