Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer

Life is odd in your 20’s. From one minute to the next, you can be dealing with serious adult things like paying bills and trying to fix a health insurance snafu, and the next, trying to deal with the ridiculousness that comes with being young, on your own, and not really knowing what the hell we are doing.

This morning was the latter.

I awoke to the the following text message from my roommie/bestie: I guess the handle inside the toilet tank broke. To flush, open the tank and grab the chain and pull up once. Make sure it stops running eventually after. I told Nick already. Call me if you need help.

Normally, I wouldn’t freak. As long as it flushes, there could be worse things. But the fact that I am hosting a St. Patrick’s day party tomorrow (it’s the 23rd annual Hoboken St. Patrick’s Parade when thousands of people flock to our mile square town for some debauchery), this is quite an unpleasant situation.

Due to the fact that our faucet has been leaking uncontrollably for the past few months and we do not have any hot water in the mornings even after calling our landlord, I’m trying to remain positive that it will be fixed by tomorrow, yet my sighs are filled of doubt.

Worst case scenario, I will move the party uptown to my co-hostess’ apt., where we are supposed to end up at the end of the day, but it will be a great annoyance because much food and booze are already at my place. If I put foil over the jello shot cups as I schlep them uptown, does that count as open container??

Only time will tell. Come on deli man–our nickname for our landlord, because he is also the owner of the deli that we blame for making our apartment smell like garlic and marinara on a daily basis. Thank God for my roommate, who made me laugh about the situation when I wanted to cry, with this awesome email:

Subject: OUR TOILET!!!

Hey Girlies – Sorry for the apartment-related email but I wanted to let you both know about our apparent toilet drama as soon as possible.

I woke this morning to find out toilet handle not working. Upon opening the tank of the toilet, it turns out the long stick thing that connects to the outer handle to the chain that pulls up the rubber thing that makes it flush, is severely rusted and has broken off. I told our friend, Nick the deli-man, and he said “ok.” I called again now (apparently Max said to call the deli directly to talk to Nick) and spoke to Nick’s brother who is going to tell him again that it needs to be fixed today and that our kitchen faucet is still leaking uncontrollably.

I propose that we each call once an hour, on the hour, to make sure it’s fixed by the time we return. Also, if need be, the toilet can be flushed by opening the top of the tank, rolling up your sleeve, and plunging your hand into the ice-cold water to quickly pull up the chain that connects to the rubber thing. Just make sure that the toilet stops running and the rubber thing falls back in place. My mom also said that we could throw a bucket of water into the actual bowl and that apparently shocks the toilet into emergency flush mode. But I think that method is scary and can get messy. Hopefully Nick the deli landlord will fix it by 5pm.

OMFG

Spotted: Wednesday evening, walking up to the UES,  SS (Splenda Stealer) was on her BB when she was distracted by the glimmer and reflection of stage lights across a line of trailers outside an apartment building and a synagogue. SS overheared a man with a walkie-talkie mention two golden words: Gossip Girl to two curious onlookers. SS immediately slipped her BB into her coat pocket and quickened her pace to secure a spot closer to the set behind five Europeans, excitedly whispering Das ich gut GOSSIP GIRL!! and two other giggling, 20-something aged girls.

A giddy SS dug again into her coat pocket for her BB and called Ms. Ball O’Sunshine who cried LUCKY!! into her BB, and then again, quickly hung up when crew members called for quiet on the set. SS cursed her BB for not having a camera while a women from the crew yelled at traffic to drive by faster to get out of the shot. Gossip Girl is the ruler of the city.

Enter: C (Chuck Bass, aka, Ed Westwick) from the apartment building, walking closer to SS. SS looks to her right to find a limo pulled up beside her and the other stalkers observers. C has to walk directly next to her, read: the fibers from his extremely tailored, black cashmere coat kissed the fibers of her 100 percent wool shell Banana Republic coat, made in the Phillippines. C’s height was an inch or two taller than SS, who stands 5’6” in flat boots. He is even better looking in person.

The rest was hazy for SS. Something about a scene filmed with B (Blair Waldorf, aka Leighton Meester) who met him outside the apartment building, then the pair jumped behind the limo when another on-screen mystery couple existed the hotel or synagogue, SS couldn’t tell. The 30 degrees out temperature made for SS’s eyes to tear up, yet all was right in the world.

Cold and delirious, SS quietly backed away from set after her version of Gossip Girl LIVE, to reconvene her trek to meet Ria at Spice on 73rd for Thai. SS walked an extra avenue in the wrong direction by mistake, as she was so enamored by what she just witnessed.

xoxo

Last week, I took off Monday and went to the Westminster Dog Show with the mom. It took me a week to finally upload the pics. Here are a few to wrap up the day:

Hehe. We snagged amazing seats next to Ring Three, where all the herding dogs were competing. To call us obsessed would be an understatement.

I grew up with two shetland sheepdogs (the smaller dogs pictured above), Bonnie and Daisy, and my parents got another one, Maggie, after I graduated college, but helped train and raise because I lived at home for a year and a half after school. While we happily watched other breeds in the ring, for some reason, we always return to favoring the shelties and the rough collies.

In one of these pictures is a white collie, which is extremely rare. It looks like a typical collie in disguise.

These dogs were absolutely gorgeous, and so well behaved. I even got to feed one of them a cookie in the benching area!! Good hooky day.