Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer

Oh la la.

DAMNIT! Damn it.

I believe I have met my limit of peanut butter. Well, the limit of peanut butter one can consume in one day. After realizing that all the dirty knives in the kitchen sink were mine, all covered in peanut buttery residue, I knew I had met my match. My body ached for some veggies and food that was not a carb, starch, or processed nut product.

Scene: 8 PM, Sunday night, desperate for real food before Big Love, after walking my sis who visited back to the train station, I passed by Garden of Eden, which is literally an Eden of gourmet foods. The piles of fresh produce, neatly wrapped cheeses, and $10.00 bottles of tomato sauce left me so overwhelmed I was left walking in circles before I could decide what I wanted to buy. Half a basket of items later and my wallet $31.00 lighter, I was on my way to a scrumptiously healthy din din.

By the time I got home, I binged on hummus, but the next night, thanks to 101cookbooks.com, I enjoyed this:

Meat-lovers, cringe! Carmelized tofu with brussel sprouts and pecans. It was amazing.

Because I knew that my shopping total was not going to be low anyway, it forced me to shop for a healthy meal based on ingredients, rather than choosing items based on monetary value.

I didn’t mean for this post to get so serious. I’m sorry. Just some food for thought.

Ms. Ball O’Sunshine is a fellow Splenda Stealer that as you all know, I commiserate with. We have done everything from compare who has brought the more pathetic lunch to work (myself an end slice of bread and half a square of cheese, she brought a third of a bag of about to turn brown salad–she won, hands down), to ways that we scrimp in tighter parts of the month.

For the new year, she has made the following her goal: to NOT buy anymore books until you read those you own left unread. I whole-heartedly agree, and give her a ton of credit if she sticks to her resolution.

This morning, I awoke to find that I was out of oatmeal. My box of America’s Choice was such a tease. Digging around my pantry, I found that I was actually out of a lot of things that are staples in my diet–namely, any source of protein other than peanut butter and two eggs. I decided to keep the eggs for a dinner scramble, so I succumbed to a breakfast of slathering peanut butter and jelly on pretzels. To my delight, I was quite satiated. For lunch, I packed a pb and j sandwich, on whole wheat bread mind you, and skipped to work with my Lisa Frank lunchbox in tow. No, no…no lunchbox, but yes, my dietary intake for the day was to include vitamins p, b and j.

After hearing my friend’s resolution, I realized that I am very much like that with food–I will always eat as much as I can without making another stop at the grocery store.

I think this is an obsession fueled by a few factors:

–I hate waste.

–I loathe the A&P

–I am determined to keep my budget for food low, so shopping at the little bodegas and gourmet corner markets are out, for now.

–Call me weird, but I really love the challenge of having random ingredients and an empty stomach. What does not kill you only makes you stronger.

Tonight I had an egg sandwich, which I think will be my last normal meal. Until I finally give up and go to the A&P, I have the following in my pantry: Skippy peanut butter, raspberry jelly, lasagne noodles, instant butternut risotto mix, sunflower seeds, pretzels, crushed red pepper flakes, chili powder, cinnamon, matza ball soup mix (though I need eggs to make it), chicken stock, hot chocolate mix, gluten-free mac and cheese (from the days I convinced myself I had celiac disease), and America’s Choice Parmesan cheese. Nuttin’ but the best. Oh, and tomato sauce.

What will I whip up next?? It’s like a recipe Jumble–what mix of ingredients will help to spell out a hidden message??

Maybe I could start a food/recipe blog, then place bets about how many ingredients I can add before my concoction turns grey or brown. Also, why does that always happen??

I think the message may be for me to just suck it up and go to the damn A&P.

All this time that I thought I was stylish as I sported my sweater booties all over NYC and Hoboken, little did I know that I was really just wearing carpet scraps.

Behold, my discovery upon walking to my office today:

Oh, the embarrasment.