Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer

I sleep with the TV on. I know it’s not good for me, thanks to all those studies that say how any ambient light during sleep is bad for your health. Whateves. I don’t like complete darkness. The other huge problem with this is that I often wake up to find something really bizarre playing on the television waves.

Last night around 2 am I awoke to someone screaming bloody murder on the TV–just another confirmation that I should turn off the TV before I go to bed–but first, I had to investigate what was on. A film with Nick Nolte, a very young Juliette Lewis and Jessica Lange had just found a man strangled in their kitchen from a metal wire…in his own pool of blood. Lovely. That image will get me right back to my REM sleep, for sure. But, as my curiosity usually gets the best of me, I had to watch for a few more minutes to see what the hell this movie was, as my remote got lost in my covers and I couldn’t not find the “info” button.

But alas, I didn’t have to wait too long before figuring out what the film was–the music tipped me off, and then a scene where a man who followed the family by hiding underneath their car as they drove to a houseboat on a cape. While the sign for the cape did give away the movie (Cape Fear), between the music and the imagery of the man hiding underneath the car–what of course popped into my head? That’s right–The Simpsons’ parody of the movie, in its episode titled “Cape Feare.” Immediately, I was able to recognize the film because I had seen the same scene in the cartoon–where Sideshow Bob tries to kill Bart on the houseboat, then finishes with the score from the HMS Pinafore. Of course, there was no opera singing in this movie, but instead, graphic violence that I laughed at–I was laughing at a murder scene at 2 am in the morning. I was laughing right after being woken up to a blood curdling scream because all I can picture instead of a creepy murderer played by Robert De Niro is Sideshow Bob continually walking into rakes that smack him in the face. (If you have seen this episode, you know how funny this is.)

I am nuts.

Treats Truck visit!! Cut to 2 pm on a gloomy, annoying Tuesday afternoon. In between raindrops, I hopped across to 38th and 5th for a MUCH needed cookie fix. The oatmeal jammy cookie with apricot preserves is one of my favorites. YUMMMMM.

crappy weather and crappy hair + oatmeal jammy = unexpected bliss

I’ve decided to implement a new featured column titled, “Still Learning.” While I am 24 years old, there is still a lot I don’t know in the real world. I have only been a member of the real world for two years. I am still a “newbie.”

This morning, I learned that adding a Splenda to club soda in a bottle forces the bubbles to rise and spill all over my desk.

Duly noted.

Still learning.

OK. Yes. I did. Don’t judge me. CW11 has got to be the maker of all that is wrong with television today, with exception to VH1 and all of its I Love New York and Flava Flave reality shows. But for some reason, I am addicted. I. can’t. stop. I even set up my DVR to record the new crops of shows on CW11 so that I wouldn’t be chained to my couch so that I could instead be productive–go for a run, do laundry, clean the bottomless pit of clothes that is my room….

But no. I very much had to watch the shows as they were premiering. It is a combination of curiousity, a love of discussing how riduclous they are with my friends, and checking people’s comments on my fav blogs–some of which–are absolutely hilarious and get me through my workday.

Last night, I watched 90210. I thought it was pretty bad–not like Gossip Girl is good, bad–this was bad, bad. Did I watch the full 2 hour premiere? Of course, and here is a sampling of the texts I received and dished out while fully engolfed in the horror that makes up primetime television. (Stolen from Ms. Ball O’Sunshine’s blog, too….) I am E, obviously.

Texts last night between E & I during the season premiere of the new 90210.

Me : ok how about all the teachers on the new 90210 are super hot.
E: Right? I’m in love

(After the show)

Me: It was actually not that bad, I’ll def watch again.
E: Ha I thought it was terrible but I’m still going to watch! Because I’m that sad.

Though, I will give the writers credit for one thing. The new “Brandon” character is “Dixon,” and like Brandon, he likes journalism. Instead of the high school newspaper Brandon was part of with the incredibly old Andrea Zuckerman, Dixon joins the high school news station. One of the anchors is Hannah Zuckerman (we have yet to know if this really is Andrea’s daughter) and when she aired on the tv in one homeroom, one of the teachers watching said, “Wow, that girl looks old.” Anyone else pick up on that? That actually made me laugh out loud.

Next stop: America’s Next Top Model. For another two hours. Two hours of Tyra, that I am voluntarily subjecting myself to…I think I need a new hobby.