Confessions Of A Splenda Stealer

It’s been a little slow on the free goodies front, I am sad to report, though I did squeeze four free dinners (I mean, spent quality time with family/friends) out last week: Cuban, Italian, Thai-fusion, and American (crabcakes!!) and my parents were so kind as to take me grocery shopping at Whole Foods, aka, “Whole Paycheck” when I was home last weekend to dog sit. Score!! I won’t be snacking on cardboard this week.

But I did get one free goody this morning on my way to the PATH: a free fruit punch Vitamin water!! I spotted the cooler about a mile away and quickened my pace. Some suits even took two. There’s no need to be greedy, here.

Huzzah!

Wow, I’m been slacking on the COASS blogs!! Sorry! Craziness has ensued between traveling, moving apartments, work and freelance-ness…and um yeah. Sometimes when I take a mini-holiday from this blog, the longer I wait, the more pressure I put on myself to wrote a kick-ass posting when I get back. Well, this post may not be kick-ass, but the inspiration behind it was enough to get my frugal juices flowing again.

While checking one of my favorite blogs, Yumsugar.com, I read a link round-up that the editor of that section tends to compile on occasion. Many blogs do this. I don’t really care for these types of posts. To me, they are the equivalent of a clip-show on a sitcom. It’s a cheap posting. Though, I’m sure that one day I will soon resort to the same, as I clearly should have done during my two week+ hiatus. Noted for next time.

But, I digress. As I was saying, I was reading a daily round-up of links. While most of the links were for recipes using fresh tomatoes (which I am still creeped out by after the whole e.coli scare) I found one titled “Some gourmet uses for leftover bread. — Boston Globe”

I have read many recipes for leftover bread, but this was the first time that I finally pin-pointed why I am always a little peeved by these recipes. WHO THE HELL HAS LEFTOVER BREAD??!! As a Splenda-stealer, every single piece of bread is accounted for: About 12 pieces in a loaf, 2 a day for my daily pb&j for my bagged lunch, maybe 2 more for a grilled cheese dinner when I decide to screw any greens or vitamin C intake for the day and succumb to a carb-fest. But leftover bread?? Is it raining bread in their kitchens? Does everyone have a wood-burning oven in their kitchen that I never knew about?? I wish I had that luxury. I even debated making my own no-knead loaf so that I wouldn’t have to go buy bread so often, as next to oatmeal, it is one of the first grocery items that I run out of. And we all know how much I loathe the A&P.

It finally occurred to me that these gourmets must mean fresh breads, like baguette or focaccia. Oh. OK. Sorry I freaked. But still, obviously these people have the luxury of not having to brown bag their lunch everyday if they can buy bread they know will go stale so quickly. So again, I ask, why should I feel bad for people who freak out over left over bread? Don’t waste my time with such silly recipes like panzanella. Or links to such. Or maybe I should just be doing my work…

[Note to COASS fans: I apologize for the delay of posting this week. In the time since last Friday, work has considerably picked up, I am about to leave for Las Vegas in a few days, and I have decided to move to downtown Hoboken (!! details to follow). Life is always like that–either there’s nothing, or everything happens all at once. Call me crazy, but I always prefer the latter…only if they are positive happenings…

Friday was HOOKY DAY for my Momma and I. (For a split second, I thought I spelled hookah. Now, that would be an interesting post, but you are stuck with this story.) Although it was about 100 degrees outside, we pick this day to be our excursion into Central Park. My mom, having lived in NYC from birth to about 32 years of age, always talks about hanging out in the park when she was younger–going on the carousel, the Alice in Wonderland statue, walking her cousin’s dog on a warm summer day….

While she hates to admit it, though I was born in NYC, I am NJ grown. I know nothing of this park except that the Reservoir is up by 97th St. and a lot of horses hang out by the 59th St. entrance, err rather, Central Park South, by the Plaza. Hello, tourist. For the longest time we have wanted to explore the park to revisit my mom’s childhood and see places where many movies have been filmed, for fun. Also, as my mom and I love, love, love food, we always have fun planning where we will go for food, or for a treat during the day, usually a sweet treat. As I keep a laundry list of places I am dying to check out, I know that a few of the cupcake/cookie destinations I have wanted to try are on the Upper West Side, so this was more motivation to visit the park.

Here are the highlights of the day:

–lunch at Bouchon Bakery in Columbus Circle. I got a ham and gruyere on baguette and wanted a Nutter Butter Cookie–a honkin’ sized sandwich cookie with peanut buttery icing in the middle for only $2.75, but we decide to wait and see what other options we come across. Worst comes to worst, we can come back…

–the carousel at Central Park was a fun ride–only $2!! You may have to shove a few kids out of the way to get to the good horses in the inside of the carousel, but that only heightened the fun for me

–two light beers at the bar in The Boathouse…didn’t feel too touristy until you take a look at the menu, which looks like it’s straight out of Disney World

–a walk up the Literary Walk, the Bethesda Fountain, the Alice in Wonderland statue, and timing it right to run past the sporadically placed sprinklers so we wouldn’t get wet

–a visit to the Buttercup Bake Shop on 72nd btwn Columbus and Amsterdam. 2 FOR 1 CUPCAKE SPECIAL. We got: a classic vanilla cupcake, a German chocolate, and….drumroll please….A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY CUPCAKE. I am not kidding. Whipped peanut butter icing (crunchy!) with grape jelly delicately piped into the middle of the golden vanilla cake. I couldn’t even take a pic of it because it was gone that fast. My new favorite.

–an incredibly extensive conversation with the cabbie who drove us to Penn Station for our train…I was going home for the weekend. He saved us from walking through the masses of sweaty, Reebok wearing, fanny-packed tourists of Times Square. Would it be rude to say “Dude, can you just drive?”

All in all, a perfect way to play hooky.

Last week I treated myself to a bag of Terra Chips, those fancy schmancy veggie chips made from sweet potato, parsnips, and a few odd colored root veggies the food company somehow made into a rather tasty snack. Imagine my disappointment when I opened up the 1 oz. snack size bag to find that it was all air. All air–read–the only chips were mushed up at the bottom into a salty potpourri.

(This is what I was expecting…)

We are all victims of what I refer to as “optical illusions,” when food companies make our portions look bigger with a few tricks of the trade. I know a lot of companies seal packages like bags of chips with a puff of air so they appear to have more product in the bag. I have come to accept this. Whatever. But when I shell out (as a treat mind you, because I never buy lunch out) almost $3 on a bag of chips, they better delight my senses. They better be like ambrosia of the gods.

But, I think I actually gasped when I opened the bag.

Now I’m not what you would call a super-active citizen. I vote and all, I try to keep up with local and national politics on CNN or the 11 o’clock news, but it then occurred to me that I should speak up against the Man. When it’s food related, to me, it’s a big issue. I urgently needed to email the Terra Chips complaints office. I didn’t even know if such things still existed, but I got really excited. I don’t even know if people still write to “Complaints Offices” and I had visions of myself hunched over a typewriter writing “Dear Sir or Madam” and tearing them a new one with my wit as I angrily punch the keys on a fancy letterhead. Then, I would march to the post office and have them stamp on it “URGENT” and send it right off. I would feel like I did my job as an American citizen, voicing my opinion and concerns about the quality of junk food in this country. I would also be living in a retirement home in Florida in this scenario.

Today when I got into work, I Googled “Terra Chips” and prepared to write a masterpiece complaint. Sadly, I have no typewriter (I may be the only 24-year-old I know that would love to have one), so I rely on my Mac. “If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to send us an email.” And so I did. I complained and whined my heart out, and I received an email back telling me that I will hear from them in the near future.

While I didn’t exaclty shake the earth with my complaint, I hope they will at least give me a free coupon or two, because, let’s face it, all I really want out of life are free goodies.